Nanny-tastic

I have employed the most fabulous Nanny.  She makes Mary Poppins look like Cruella Devil.  I loved her, the boys loved her, she loved us (I hope!) and it is all going to be lovely and wonderful happily ever after.  She is going to do Arts and Crafts with the boys and make sure there is no sign of it left by the time I get home - music to my un-arty-crafty ears.

The whole 'being an employer' thing is a little grown-up for my liking however.  'Yes of course I can sort out your tax', I gushed, whilst inside actually thinking 'Shit - how the hell do I do that?!'  Luckily, there are very efficient Nanny Tax agencies that do all of this for you, for a certain fee of course, and there are a ream of highly efficient sounding ladies with cut-glass accents at the end of the phone answering all my really rubbish enquiries quickly and correctly, and if they have a slightly patronising air about them then I am choosing not to notice.  I was doing really well on the phone to their payroll help department earlier until they asked me if I figure I had just quoted them was gross or net.  'No idea', I said, 'but if I had to guess I would say gross'.  Apparently however guessing is not the way forward when you are sorting out somebody's payroll...

I am doing everything correctly though and have downloaded a very officious contract from the agency.  During the customisation of this contract though, I found myself deleting a clause about never drinking alcohol around the children.  What if I got home early and decided that I wanted to treat the lovely Nanny to a little tipple in the garden one summer's afternoon?  It would be dreadful to be in breach of one's own contract wouldn't it?  Better to be safe than sorry in this house. ;-)

I hope that I am going to be a wonderful employer.  I just need to keep her away from any of you lot.  Particularly Shelley who might tell her the story of how I rearranged the washing up on the drip tray when she moved into the flat and told her 'we don't do it that way'.  I'm not quite sure which 'we' I was referring to... Poor girl - doomed. ;-) x