Book Club for the Soul

The first rule of Book Club is: You do not talk about Book Club.  The second rule of Book Club is: You do not talk about Book Club.  I only found this out after about our third meeting when Aly and Sam fessed up to the fact that they totally lied to their colleagues about what they were doing that night.  They felt that Book Club may have a stigma attached to it.  I think that these days they've realised that either (a) Book Club is actually quite cool or (b) we're all so old and past it that non-cool activities are pretty irrelevant.

The third rule of Book Club is: even though we all make some sort of pretence about it being a democratic club, we all know that it is really Nikki's Book Club and Nikki doesn't cope well without an element of control over the proceedings.  Out of the two books that are chosen every meeting, one of them has always been chosen by me.  I like to ensure that a certain quality of literature is adhered to in at least one of the books each session; this isn't just any old book club you know.

I have uncontrollable feelings of rage about 'The Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy.  I think it is embarrassing, not least the umbrella title of 'Mummy Porn' that it has been given.  Putting 'Mummy' before 'Porn' I don't think is a particularly winning combination.  If you want to go and read porn, read porn; watch porn, but for fuck's sake don't try and dress it up as literature.  Every woman and her whippet seems to have jumped on this bandwagon and is reading this shite.  Most people I have spoken to have admitted it is shite and the reviews are dreadful.  A stupid writer targetting stupid people.  I knew that at least two of the members of Book Club had read at least one of these books and I was damned if it was going to enter our discussions last night.  A view I made quite loudly and clearly when it looked as if it might.

So, we continued (after the food, wine and gossiping) to talk about some real books.  We always meet in a pub and last night I had chosen (getting the gist of it now?) to meet in one of my Dad's locals as I knew it would be quiet enough and the food is big, tasty and reasonable.  Obviously my Dad got wind of this though and couldn't resist popping in to have a nose.  He reckoned we were faking it as there was more booze on the table than books.  When I went to see him and his mate at the bar, his mate, on finding out that it was book club said "my daughter's obsessed with a book at the moment, it's called.....", yep, of course if was.  This gave the barmaid the wrong end of the stick and she now believed we were all meeting up to specifically discuss Christian Grey and all his attributes!  I'd fought so hard to keep the kudos of Book Club and the next thing I know she is shouting across the pub "Oooh, I love it too, don't tell me how it ends".  Jesus.

You'd think it couldn't get any worse from there but as we tried to continue with decorum I could see "Ruby" going through the intricate details of 'Fifty Shades of Grey' with my dear Papa.  Needless to say he didn't linger for long after that.  Another paternal interruption and a quick gag about cable ties and the barmaid and he was gone, generously leaving his tab open at the bar for us to abuse at will.  Unfortunately everyone else bar me was driving so I think he's going to be a bit disgusted at his tab being sullied with lemonade and soda water.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em?  No fucking way.  Hopefully by the time of the next meet this pathetic phenomenon will have died the painful death it deserves.  Anyway, the fourth rule of Book Club is: We do NOT discuss 'Fifty Shades of Shite'.