Returning somewhere that you had the time of your life when you went previously is always a risk in case it doesn't live up to expectations. Take some of your closest friends with you and that risk doubles as they might arrive and wonder what you were making such a fuss about.
The Renner family's more immediate problem however, was that they didn't actually arrive; well not on the first day anyway. We were flying from Gatwick and we drove down and parked; Kate and Ralph were getting the train. As we were getting the bus to the airport from the car park, Ralph sent Stu a text saying that they were just having breakfast and aiming to get to the airport for 2pm. The flight was leaving at 1.10pm. Before Stu had a small heart attack I told him that Ralph was definitely on the wind up. Another couple of texts confirmed this and we all had a big laugh about it... until their train broke down five minutes later. So, they missed their plane and ended up doing a 24 hour marathon via Corfu and arriving a day later than expected and at least a grand worse off! Yowch.
They took it in their stride and we were soon into a happy routine of swimming in the morning and booting the kids into kids club in the afternoon indulging in some serious R&R. Another great bunch of people this year by the pool and lo and behold only one couple that seriously got up my nose. They were mind-numbingly and painfully dull. I was slightly chastised and told that they were probably just very shy. I'm not convinced. They were EVERYWHERE. Surely, if you're shy you don't stand in the middle of a group of people at the bar? If you were really really shy you would be watching the group of people at the bar from behind a bush? Talking of bushes; Jon (one half of my favourite couple from this year) decided that the boring/frumpy exterior was merely a cover up for this dreadful woman being a filthy dirty minx. I remain unconvinced.
Remaining with that thought however, Kate and I were lying by the pool one day discussing our fellow holidaymakers. I was expressing the opinion that everyone was a little too perfect for my liking and it felt a bit like Stepford Wives on tour. This led into the discussion about which of the ladies had ever taken it up the bum, which ended up with us howling with laughter on our sunbeds. They were probably looking at us thinking we were such nice girls too! Maybe not actually?
Kate and I did some drunken night swimming in Gen and Jon's pool. It got progressively darker and darker as the complex turned all the lights off until we decided it was time we headed home. Kate couldn't find her flip flops in the pitch black and so I crawled on my hands and knees feeling for them all around the pool until she remembered that she had actually come out with bare feet that night!
Sebi became famous in his own right by doing a dance to Gangnam Style at one of the pyjama parties. I was obviously seriously impressed but didn't realise what an overnight sensation he had become in Lefkas until we hit the pool the next morning and all the older kids were shouting out "There he is!" "Alright Sebi?" "Great dancing!". Seb was un-phased by all the attention and carried on floating about with a number of Mickey Mouse theme buoyancy aids. I think he gets his night-time behaviour from his mother and his daytime modesty from his father...
Ralph and I are both pretty dominant, strong-minded, obstinate and stubborn creatures. I joked a lot before we went on holiday about how I was going to drink a bottle (or two) of wine every night and have a go at him. It all went according to plan and we had some very heated debates. One night, he asked me to tell him exactly what I thought of him. Some sober bit of my mind nagged me that this probably wasn't a particularly sensible idea so I asked my dear husband what I should do. Stu decided that I could tell Ralph exactly what I thought of him for precisely 30 seconds and then Ralph was not allowed to say anything in response. It got better and better. I think I crapped on for at least a minute in the end and then there was a deathly silence... We all remained good friends in the morning though as Ralph (professes) that he can't remember anything I said. The final battle of our holiday war ensued on the way to the airport on our return journey. Ralph decided to follow me even though I said there was no need as even a monkey could navigate the 25 minute journey from our villas to the airport. Nevertheless, we set off, in convoy. Then I got lost. Ralph found his way there before we did in the end, although I had put him through another "we're going to miss our flight", unnecessary panic. In the check-in queue I admitted defeat and that we ended the holiday with him being absolutely right and me being totally wrong. Stu and I were laughing that some people who were still in their swimmers by the pool when we left for the airport were ahead of us in the queue then.... Ooops.
I finished my holiday as every by drinking a bottle of champagne on the plane on the way home. Delish. Stu wasn't drinking as he was driving from Gatwick but so I didn't look gluttonously alcoholic, I asked the flight attendants to chill some champagne "as a surprise for my husband". I then told Stu that he had to look surprised and delighted as the champagne was delivered that he was not going to drink. Lucky chap.
Monday, 2 September 2013
Saturday, 3 August 2013
See You Next Tuesday
During my Book Club dinner in a nice pub in Redbourn last night, one of my party said 'Cunt' really quite loudly at the table, (and, for once, it wasn't me).
The tumbleweed blew slowly through the room and a couple of other tables of diners began to stare at us, in quite a menacing way. It started quite an animated discussion at our table. Poor old Heather, who was driving and therefore the only sober one among us, looked as if she would quite like the ground to swallow her up but luckily she was at the furthest end of the table from the 'starers'.
I have no problem with the word. I think that perhaps people have become slightly over-sensitive about it, particularly women, leaving it with a 'cult' status, making it untouchable and unspeakable and therefore giving it more power than it deserves. A little bit like people in dramatic circles being afraid to talk about 'Macbeth', although cunt is a little less Shakespearian.
Kate felt quite strongly that it was a justified use of the word by she-who-will-not-be-named-at-book-club as we were talking about an Afghan Warlord who had murdered small children and done a number of other horrific things. I agree absolutely but I have also realised I'm a bit of a hypocrite.
I throw 'cunt' around in new circles, showing off, loving to shock, etc, etc; but actually if I had been out to dinner with my parents last night, or in fact, my children, I would have taken umbrage at someone shouting it out at a table near me. Why is it therefore alright to change your values, vocabulary and behaviour depending on the company you are currently keeping?
If someone said that they would give me £10,000 to say 'cunt' at my parents' Sunday lunch table, I would refuse absolutely. I may consider it for £100,000 but that is only because I would then have the means to leave the country for quite a long time, immediately afterwards.
As a parent myself, I can imagine that I would have a small coronary incident if either of my boys came home bandying it around in my company. I think that luckily we are a few years off that however as 'poo' and 'wee' are (a) still absolutely hilarious to them and (b) very frowned upon by me.
I think I'm at the extreme end of the scale of different behaviour for different situations. Many of my friends and family act in quite a similar fashion whoever they happen to be with. I like to think that this makes me interesting, vibrant and exciting but in actual fact it probably makes me an exhibitionist who will develop into a caricature of my former self as I get older and lose my amazing good looks and razor sharp wit. ;-)
Anyway, back to last night. We considerately moved outside a few minutes after the C-Bomb incident. One of the gentlemen from the table of starers gave us a wave and a cheery 'Cheerio' as he got into his taxi later. I reckon he ran a foul-mouthed Book Club back in his day too.
The tumbleweed blew slowly through the room and a couple of other tables of diners began to stare at us, in quite a menacing way. It started quite an animated discussion at our table. Poor old Heather, who was driving and therefore the only sober one among us, looked as if she would quite like the ground to swallow her up but luckily she was at the furthest end of the table from the 'starers'.
I have no problem with the word. I think that perhaps people have become slightly over-sensitive about it, particularly women, leaving it with a 'cult' status, making it untouchable and unspeakable and therefore giving it more power than it deserves. A little bit like people in dramatic circles being afraid to talk about 'Macbeth', although cunt is a little less Shakespearian.
Kate felt quite strongly that it was a justified use of the word by she-who-will-not-be-named-at-book-club as we were talking about an Afghan Warlord who had murdered small children and done a number of other horrific things. I agree absolutely but I have also realised I'm a bit of a hypocrite.
I throw 'cunt' around in new circles, showing off, loving to shock, etc, etc; but actually if I had been out to dinner with my parents last night, or in fact, my children, I would have taken umbrage at someone shouting it out at a table near me. Why is it therefore alright to change your values, vocabulary and behaviour depending on the company you are currently keeping?
If someone said that they would give me £10,000 to say 'cunt' at my parents' Sunday lunch table, I would refuse absolutely. I may consider it for £100,000 but that is only because I would then have the means to leave the country for quite a long time, immediately afterwards.
As a parent myself, I can imagine that I would have a small coronary incident if either of my boys came home bandying it around in my company. I think that luckily we are a few years off that however as 'poo' and 'wee' are (a) still absolutely hilarious to them and (b) very frowned upon by me.
I think I'm at the extreme end of the scale of different behaviour for different situations. Many of my friends and family act in quite a similar fashion whoever they happen to be with. I like to think that this makes me interesting, vibrant and exciting but in actual fact it probably makes me an exhibitionist who will develop into a caricature of my former self as I get older and lose my amazing good looks and razor sharp wit. ;-)
Anyway, back to last night. We considerately moved outside a few minutes after the C-Bomb incident. One of the gentlemen from the table of starers gave us a wave and a cheery 'Cheerio' as he got into his taxi later. I reckon he ran a foul-mouthed Book Club back in his day too.
Thursday, 18 July 2013
Run Forrest Run!
I went running at 7.30am today and I need to show off about it.
*Pauses and waits for 90% of the readership to leave the post*
Seven-fucking-thirty. Amazing. I don't normally even surface until 7.35 on a school day. Stu was asleep, Sebi was fast asleep, only Zak was awake to applaud me in my efforts and he only managed a swivelled eyeball away from the Ipad to shoot me a confused look before returning to shoot something in Angry Birds Star Wars.
I didn't even have breakfast. A banana and a pint of water and I was off. For the first 0.2 of a km I was full of it. Look at me. Really. Look at me. Running the streets of St. Albans whilst the masses still had their curtains closed. Then at 0.3 of a km I got hungry. Really hungry. Eaten-a-big-fat-plate-of-pasta-last-night-and-stretched-my-stomach-muscles-and-then-decided-to-go-running-without-brekkie kind of hungry. Arse. I'm stubborn though and I carried on the route I had planned trying to remember who it was that told me I would burn serious calories for the rest of the day with this early morning burst of fitness.
I realised I had become a member of a club I had never asked to join. You tend to exchange a smile with opposite-direction runners whenever you are running. From them, I think, it is normally an encouraging smile or a smile of camaraderie. From me, it is always, always, me laughing at the pair of us for putting ourselves something so horrific for the sake of beauty. The 7.30am jogging club has a different kind of smile from both sides: we are all seriously fucking smug. I can be smug while it lasts, I can't imagine it happening again this decade if I'm honest. I normally run after school drop off but the tropics of St. Albans are ensuring that even 8.45am at the moment makes me an unusually sweaty Betty.
All this showing off and how far did I run I hear you ask? 1.75 miles. I reckon there must be some kind of Bermuda Triangle hiding somewhere up Jersey Lane. I felt like I ran for miles and was out for ages but no; 18 sodding minutes and 1.75 miles. Arse, arse.
As I drove past McDonalds at 10.30am I toyed with the idea of a Large Quarter Pounder with Cheese Meal. After all, (a) it must definitely be lunchtime as I had been up for so long, and (b) a 1.75 mile run first thing must surely cover those calories and then allow me lunch as well? Luckily, as it was so bloody hot, I couldn't face the Maccy D smell today otherwise my healthy day could've drifted into minus points quite early on. As it is, I've rewarded myself with a couple of wines in the pub with my Daddy and a couple more with my hubby. I would imagine that the other early-rising joggers are already tucked up in bed with a carrot juice ready for tomorrow's outing. Good luck to them.
*Pauses and waits for 90% of the readership to leave the post*
Seven-fucking-thirty. Amazing. I don't normally even surface until 7.35 on a school day. Stu was asleep, Sebi was fast asleep, only Zak was awake to applaud me in my efforts and he only managed a swivelled eyeball away from the Ipad to shoot me a confused look before returning to shoot something in Angry Birds Star Wars.
I didn't even have breakfast. A banana and a pint of water and I was off. For the first 0.2 of a km I was full of it. Look at me. Really. Look at me. Running the streets of St. Albans whilst the masses still had their curtains closed. Then at 0.3 of a km I got hungry. Really hungry. Eaten-a-big-fat-plate-of-pasta-last-night-and-stretched-my-stomach-muscles-and-then-decided-to-go-running-without-brekkie kind of hungry. Arse. I'm stubborn though and I carried on the route I had planned trying to remember who it was that told me I would burn serious calories for the rest of the day with this early morning burst of fitness.
I realised I had become a member of a club I had never asked to join. You tend to exchange a smile with opposite-direction runners whenever you are running. From them, I think, it is normally an encouraging smile or a smile of camaraderie. From me, it is always, always, me laughing at the pair of us for putting ourselves something so horrific for the sake of beauty. The 7.30am jogging club has a different kind of smile from both sides: we are all seriously fucking smug. I can be smug while it lasts, I can't imagine it happening again this decade if I'm honest. I normally run after school drop off but the tropics of St. Albans are ensuring that even 8.45am at the moment makes me an unusually sweaty Betty.
All this showing off and how far did I run I hear you ask? 1.75 miles. I reckon there must be some kind of Bermuda Triangle hiding somewhere up Jersey Lane. I felt like I ran for miles and was out for ages but no; 18 sodding minutes and 1.75 miles. Arse, arse.
As I drove past McDonalds at 10.30am I toyed with the idea of a Large Quarter Pounder with Cheese Meal. After all, (a) it must definitely be lunchtime as I had been up for so long, and (b) a 1.75 mile run first thing must surely cover those calories and then allow me lunch as well? Luckily, as it was so bloody hot, I couldn't face the Maccy D smell today otherwise my healthy day could've drifted into minus points quite early on. As it is, I've rewarded myself with a couple of wines in the pub with my Daddy and a couple more with my hubby. I would imagine that the other early-rising joggers are already tucked up in bed with a carrot juice ready for tomorrow's outing. Good luck to them.
Friday, 12 July 2013
A Couple of Pairs
My family is split neatly in two. From the moment Zak was born, he looked like Stu, walked like Stu, laughed like Stu and comedy danced like Stu. They have a shared sense of humour that only the two of them get, (and I'm afraid to say that I judge it nearer a six-year old's than a 38 year old's but that could just be me not 'getting it').
All very sweet and very lovely and it would be fine because I would receive my mini-me girl second-time around. Oh no. Mini-me he is but he is no girl. Don't worry, I won't crap on about the lack of women in my house (as I have spent quite enough time on that before).
All very sweet and very lovely and it would be fine because I would receive my mini-me girl second-time around. Oh no. Mini-me he is but he is no girl. Don't worry, I won't crap on about the lack of women in my house (as I have spent quite enough time on that before).
Stu and Zak are a pair of pliable, funny, friendly, happy-eaters, kind, crowd-pleasers, sociable, early-risers.
Seb and I are a couple of stubborn, friend-picky, late-risers, hilarious, pig-headed, musical, loving, sleepy, awkward, mother-fuckers.
It's interesting because of the way you end up parenting your two children. Many of my best friends will argue with this, but, I don't have a favourite. I absolutely love Zak and Sebi equally but in totally different ways. I am constantly amazed by Zak and his compassion and intelligence but I fail at reaching out to him when it come to what interests him. I have to summon up every ounce of concentration to listen at breakfast to yet another oh-so-fascinating analysis of the latest workings of the most recent game on the IPad. I really, really don't care, but I have to, otherwise we won't connect, ever! I frustrate Zak already with my incessant demands for kisses and cuddles AT BEDTIME. Seriously. He is only just six. Surely that is acceptable? I won't be trying my luck at 16, or even 10, but at 6 I think I deserve a shot.
I find Sebi completely manageable, but to Stu he is a bit of an enigma, (as I imagine, am I). They have a good and fun relationship but Stu doesn't understand the way Seb works at all, and he will be the first to admit that. In the same way I have to work to find common ground with Zak, I can understand precisely what is going through Seb's head 95% of the time. It's really quite odd.
I had a lovely weekend a couple of weeks ago with my Uni friends when Stu took the boys up to Redditch. They went out of a meal for Sunday lunch and Seb ordered his dinner, yet when it arrived, he threw a blue fit and refused to eat it. Stu then ordered him a different dinner. I pass no judgement on this, (on here anyway), as, as I have said, I was having a lovely drunken time on my own. However, I can just imagine the bloody glint in Sebastian's eye as he achieved what he never would have done had Mummy been around.
My Dad has a lot of fellow-feeling with Sebi being a second-boy-child in quite a short space of time too. Seb hardly owns any clothes that aren't hand-me-downs and my Dad was appalled to hear that I put him in Zak's second-hand pants. Not quite as appalled as when I suggested that he had probably spent the best part of his childhood in Uncle Ted' pants...
Luckily, considering they are so different, Zak and Sebi have a wonderful sibling-relationship. Thank the Lord that Zak is the elder brother however, as I think that him having the controlling power through age is what makes is work so well. Seb worships the ground he walks on and is subservient to Zak and Zak only. Stu holds the age card on me but somehow it doesn't quite work in the same way. ;-)
Sunday, 30 June 2013
When We Were Very Young...
I was originally going to call this post, 'If Carlsberg made weekends...' as it has been so fabulous but I feel that is rather over used, although not as much as the bloody 'Keep Calm and...' which tends to throw me into a very un-calm state whenever I see it.
I went racing at Newmarket on Friday night. Dad had a couple of horses running, neither of which won, but coming in third and fourth they didn't disgrace themselves. Kate, Aly and I decided we were born to the lifestyle of sitting in the owners enclosure drinking champagne bought by other people. Aly suggested that we pool our winnings at the start of the evening. She's a clever girl as I won on the first race and then Kate on the third! Luckily she pulled it out of the bag on 'Tax Free' and we came away splitting a very respectable £115. Unfortunately, we had the taste for champagne by then and 115 quid doesn't last very long when Bar 62 have sold out of everything apart from vintage champagne and so it is unthinkable that you wouldn't buy that and would lower your class of drink later on in the evening...
According to my dear husband, I don't make enough of an effort to come in quietly when I've had a shandy or three so he offered to sleep in the spare room on Friday night so that I wouldn't wake him up. I'd already changed the bed for my ladies who were arriving on Saturday so he wasn't allowed to and I headed out the door at 5pm promising to come home late and loudly. Lucky chap. His main complaint is that I turn on every light in the house so I dutifully stumbled around the in dark instead probably making twice as much noise. He should be grateful I wasn't giggling, hiccuping or vomiting however, as all of the above have been known to happen on occasion.
Saturday morning I packed my husband and children off to Redditch and indulged in a couple of glasses of medicinal wine over lunch as I waited for my five best friends from Uni to arrive. We haven't been together for 9 years, as the last time was Lynsey's 30th. She was delighted to keep being reminded of this as we each individually clocked on to the fact that she must therefore be approaching 40. Poor old Clare is gestating a sproglet at the moment so I can imagine that we were suitably shouty and dull by about 9pm. All credit to her though she was up until nearly 2am when she firmly packed everybody off to bed.
We dined in 'The Cock' and were waited on some of the time by someone I used to teach GCSE drama to. This caused much hilarity at our table because although my St. Albans friends are pretty used to me falling (drunk) over ex-pupils, (and in fact Shelley is particularly adept at removing me from those sorts of situations if I'm a little too merry), my Uni friends still struggle I think with the concept of Nikki Stocker being a proper actual teacher, (don't really blame them). There was therefore a little bit of interrogation of this girl who then pointed out to me that a boy who used to be in my form and also worked there was seriously trying to hide from me. I left the poor chap alone, for a while anyway; after the third tequila rose I think there might have been a little bit of name-shouting and waving. Ugh.
It wouldn't be a night out with these girls without laughing till you cried (and for some I think, till you did a little wee-wee) and crying until you laughed. I stuck my foot right in it by drunkenly announcing that a girl we went to Uni with had died a few years ago (I'm available for hire to ruin all your parties). We all knew this, or so I thought, but apparently we all actually didn't. One of our table ended up in floods of tears and was beside herself for about 15 minutes until we thought it would be cathartic for her to look at a picture of the dead person in happier times on Facebook. At that point she realised it wasn't actually who she was thinking of and the tears dried up. Honestly, we are bad and nasty people.
My kids will be back in a few minutes now and it is time for me to stop pretending I'm 21 again and grow back into Mummy. Regression every once in a while keeps me sane though I think.
I went racing at Newmarket on Friday night. Dad had a couple of horses running, neither of which won, but coming in third and fourth they didn't disgrace themselves. Kate, Aly and I decided we were born to the lifestyle of sitting in the owners enclosure drinking champagne bought by other people. Aly suggested that we pool our winnings at the start of the evening. She's a clever girl as I won on the first race and then Kate on the third! Luckily she pulled it out of the bag on 'Tax Free' and we came away splitting a very respectable £115. Unfortunately, we had the taste for champagne by then and 115 quid doesn't last very long when Bar 62 have sold out of everything apart from vintage champagne and so it is unthinkable that you wouldn't buy that and would lower your class of drink later on in the evening...
According to my dear husband, I don't make enough of an effort to come in quietly when I've had a shandy or three so he offered to sleep in the spare room on Friday night so that I wouldn't wake him up. I'd already changed the bed for my ladies who were arriving on Saturday so he wasn't allowed to and I headed out the door at 5pm promising to come home late and loudly. Lucky chap. His main complaint is that I turn on every light in the house so I dutifully stumbled around the in dark instead probably making twice as much noise. He should be grateful I wasn't giggling, hiccuping or vomiting however, as all of the above have been known to happen on occasion.
Saturday morning I packed my husband and children off to Redditch and indulged in a couple of glasses of medicinal wine over lunch as I waited for my five best friends from Uni to arrive. We haven't been together for 9 years, as the last time was Lynsey's 30th. She was delighted to keep being reminded of this as we each individually clocked on to the fact that she must therefore be approaching 40. Poor old Clare is gestating a sproglet at the moment so I can imagine that we were suitably shouty and dull by about 9pm. All credit to her though she was up until nearly 2am when she firmly packed everybody off to bed.
We dined in 'The Cock' and were waited on some of the time by someone I used to teach GCSE drama to. This caused much hilarity at our table because although my St. Albans friends are pretty used to me falling (drunk) over ex-pupils, (and in fact Shelley is particularly adept at removing me from those sorts of situations if I'm a little too merry), my Uni friends still struggle I think with the concept of Nikki Stocker being a proper actual teacher, (don't really blame them). There was therefore a little bit of interrogation of this girl who then pointed out to me that a boy who used to be in my form and also worked there was seriously trying to hide from me. I left the poor chap alone, for a while anyway; after the third tequila rose I think there might have been a little bit of name-shouting and waving. Ugh.
It wouldn't be a night out with these girls without laughing till you cried (and for some I think, till you did a little wee-wee) and crying until you laughed. I stuck my foot right in it by drunkenly announcing that a girl we went to Uni with had died a few years ago (I'm available for hire to ruin all your parties). We all knew this, or so I thought, but apparently we all actually didn't. One of our table ended up in floods of tears and was beside herself for about 15 minutes until we thought it would be cathartic for her to look at a picture of the dead person in happier times on Facebook. At that point she realised it wasn't actually who she was thinking of and the tears dried up. Honestly, we are bad and nasty people.
My kids will be back in a few minutes now and it is time for me to stop pretending I'm 21 again and grow back into Mummy. Regression every once in a while keeps me sane though I think.
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
A Frosty Reception
We've just had Sebi's induction morning at Reception. I don't remember doing this with Zak and I just figured that it was a new thing that they had brought in during the last couple of years. No, apparently not. It seems as though I may have just 'missed' it last time. That seems relatively slack, even for me. I know that I deliberately always skip the new parents' talks nowadays as I can't bear all the hot air that tends to be spouted there but surely I would've taken poor old Zak in to see his new classroom? Maybe not.
Anyway, Sebi and I hit Reception today for an hour, (oh yes, that's a long, long, time to meander around a relatively small classroom with too many children in it), and then lunch. Anyone who knows my 'fuck off I've got enough mates' face from seeing it around school before, would, I think, have been surprised at the new heights it hit today. Don't get me wrong, I didn't stomp around in silence for an hour but I carefully chose the people I was willing to talk to and those I definitely wasn't. A mother of a child I have referred to as an abbreviation 'HM' in previous posts was obviously top of this list, but luckily she seems to have got the message, and it fills my heart with joy to report that our loathing seems completely mutual nowadays. Job done. There was another lady however, who was desperately following me around and trying to make eye contact for most of the session. I'm sure if you asked ten people who knew her if she was a nice person then all ten would agree that she is, but having observed her from a distance during nursery pick-ups/drop-offs I just know that she would do my head in, immediately, and so we are best not becoming acquainted. What's wrong with her? Not a lot. The fault most definitely lies in my personality, but I cannot cope with over-zealous-highly-competitive-my-perfect-middle-class-life-is-actually-such-hard-work-but-nobody-else-possibly-understands mothers who talk too much. Ahhhhh, that's better.
She will get the message soon enough in September I'm sure. I was out to lunch with one of my BFFs Kate the other day and we were frankly discussing the playground politics. Kate's children are at a different school and she visibly cringes when we talk about how differently we behave in the playground. Kate is a very friendly, open person and she has come across more difficult personalities like myself in her own playground. She now keeps her distance from those scary witches.
So, back to today. Over lunch, the Headmaster came and sat next to Sebi for a few minutes. Seb studiously ignored him and carried on eating his bread and butter. After a little prompting and a poke from his mother in the ribs he deigned to answer one of the Head's earnest questions with a small nod; avoiding all eye contact however. He hasn't managed to hone his antisocial skills effectively enough yet to realise that whilst cheerfully discounting the masses we can't be bothered with, it is important to always make time for the big cheeses in life. We'll get there in time.
Anyway, Sebi and I hit Reception today for an hour, (oh yes, that's a long, long, time to meander around a relatively small classroom with too many children in it), and then lunch. Anyone who knows my 'fuck off I've got enough mates' face from seeing it around school before, would, I think, have been surprised at the new heights it hit today. Don't get me wrong, I didn't stomp around in silence for an hour but I carefully chose the people I was willing to talk to and those I definitely wasn't. A mother of a child I have referred to as an abbreviation 'HM' in previous posts was obviously top of this list, but luckily she seems to have got the message, and it fills my heart with joy to report that our loathing seems completely mutual nowadays. Job done. There was another lady however, who was desperately following me around and trying to make eye contact for most of the session. I'm sure if you asked ten people who knew her if she was a nice person then all ten would agree that she is, but having observed her from a distance during nursery pick-ups/drop-offs I just know that she would do my head in, immediately, and so we are best not becoming acquainted. What's wrong with her? Not a lot. The fault most definitely lies in my personality, but I cannot cope with over-zealous-highly-competitive-my-perfect-middle-class-life-is-actually-such-hard-work-but-nobody-else-possibly-understands mothers who talk too much. Ahhhhh, that's better.
She will get the message soon enough in September I'm sure. I was out to lunch with one of my BFFs Kate the other day and we were frankly discussing the playground politics. Kate's children are at a different school and she visibly cringes when we talk about how differently we behave in the playground. Kate is a very friendly, open person and she has come across more difficult personalities like myself in her own playground. She now keeps her distance from those scary witches.
So, back to today. Over lunch, the Headmaster came and sat next to Sebi for a few minutes. Seb studiously ignored him and carried on eating his bread and butter. After a little prompting and a poke from his mother in the ribs he deigned to answer one of the Head's earnest questions with a small nod; avoiding all eye contact however. He hasn't managed to hone his antisocial skills effectively enough yet to realise that whilst cheerfully discounting the masses we can't be bothered with, it is important to always make time for the big cheeses in life. We'll get there in time.
Sunday, 16 June 2013
Busy Bee
Hello. I'm aware it's been a while. I am slowly coming up to the surface after moderation month. Last year was the first time I had done it and I wasn't prepared for the fact it would be a month of absolutely no fun, drowning in a sea of paper and videos and mopping up the mess of other drama teachers. This year I was more prepared but I was not ready for the fact that my school plonked report deadline day on exactly the same day as the moderation deadline. How the hell did that happen? My feet haven't touched the ground. I have been saving time by prepping reports in my dreams (yes really) and then just typing them up when I woke up and with five days to go I have half a centre left for moderating and 38 reports left to write. Believe me, considering where I was this time last week, that is a happy place to be.
I'm not whinging I promise. There have been times in the last month when I have thought if I watch one more video of one more class exploring 'Blood Brothers' I may do myself or my TV some harm. I do love it though, otherwise I wouldn't do it. However, I have been hanging out for it to be over and for me to get my life back.
So I went out last night. My BFF and I wandered up to a local pub for dinner. We made a strategic decision not to go into town so that there was no late night option. Over the years we have learnt that it is important to plan against drunken foolish decisions before one is drunken and foolish. How then did I end up head first in a bush somewhere around the Ridgeway at 1.30am this morning? I blame the council. All the bloody streetlights were out and what with the Ridgeway being a bit of a curly road it is easy to get disorientated and stray from the path, over a wall and into someone's front garden. Thank the Lord that (a) it was dark and (b) I don't teach in St. Albans anymore so can revel in this dreadful behaviour without the risk of being caught by pupils or worse still parents of pupils that you then have to try and convince you are actually a civilised professional instead of a drunken scumbag at the next parents' evening.
I had a moment of clarity as I realised I was too drunk to pull myself straight out of the flowerbed last night and instead had to drag myself back over the wall. If I have a lot more free time now that examinations and moderation have finished I may find myself stuck in a bush (stop it you filthy minded lot) more often. That's not necessarily a good thing. I'm going to give myself the benefit of the doubt and assume that my quiet-night-out turning into raucous debauchery last night was just a release of the stress I have been under for the last few weeks. Just in case though, I've decided to keep myself busy for another couple of years and today have signed up to do an MA starting in September. It could be a slightly knee-jerk hangover reaction but I think it is better for my family and the residents of Marshalswick in general if I keep myself busy and out of trouble.
Surely with two degrees I am bound to then be grown up and sensible. We live in hope. I will keep you posted.
I'm not whinging I promise. There have been times in the last month when I have thought if I watch one more video of one more class exploring 'Blood Brothers' I may do myself or my TV some harm. I do love it though, otherwise I wouldn't do it. However, I have been hanging out for it to be over and for me to get my life back.
So I went out last night. My BFF and I wandered up to a local pub for dinner. We made a strategic decision not to go into town so that there was no late night option. Over the years we have learnt that it is important to plan against drunken foolish decisions before one is drunken and foolish. How then did I end up head first in a bush somewhere around the Ridgeway at 1.30am this morning? I blame the council. All the bloody streetlights were out and what with the Ridgeway being a bit of a curly road it is easy to get disorientated and stray from the path, over a wall and into someone's front garden. Thank the Lord that (a) it was dark and (b) I don't teach in St. Albans anymore so can revel in this dreadful behaviour without the risk of being caught by pupils or worse still parents of pupils that you then have to try and convince you are actually a civilised professional instead of a drunken scumbag at the next parents' evening.
I had a moment of clarity as I realised I was too drunk to pull myself straight out of the flowerbed last night and instead had to drag myself back over the wall. If I have a lot more free time now that examinations and moderation have finished I may find myself stuck in a bush (stop it you filthy minded lot) more often. That's not necessarily a good thing. I'm going to give myself the benefit of the doubt and assume that my quiet-night-out turning into raucous debauchery last night was just a release of the stress I have been under for the last few weeks. Just in case though, I've decided to keep myself busy for another couple of years and today have signed up to do an MA starting in September. It could be a slightly knee-jerk hangover reaction but I think it is better for my family and the residents of Marshalswick in general if I keep myself busy and out of trouble.
Surely with two degrees I am bound to then be grown up and sensible. We live in hope. I will keep you posted.
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