Sunday, 27 October 2013

Rugrat Respite

My children are currently on their way to Redditch to spend happy few days with my in-laws.  They were meant to be going tomorrow morning but Stu's Mum suggested we brought it forward to today because of the impending storm and who am I to argue?

She is welcome to them.  There is something about the thought of imminent separation from my boys that makes me immediately less tolerant, (and I'm not very tolerant at the best of times), and in a lovely, maternal, pink and fluffy way, absolutely desperate to get rid of them as soon as possible.  We were making them do circuits out the front on their bike and scooter earlier trying to wear them out a little bit so they weren't completely as high as kites when Margaret received them.  Sebi managed to pull his trousers and pants down one-handed, whilst scooting on one leg and waggle his willy to the slightly shocked looking more elderly members of the close.  If I wasn't so mortified I may have been quite impressed with his skills.  Naked exhibitionism is obviously another warped personality trait I have handed to down to my youngest; at least I know he will have grown out of it in approximately 29 years or so.  Oh God.

When I asked Zak what he wanted to do yesterday and gave him various options: zoo, park, play area etc, he said quite definitely, "pub please".  Tempting as it was, we thought that at 10am on a Saturday morning it would have been pushing it somewhat, even by mine and Stu's standards.  We compromised with Sunday lunch at the pub today with my parents.  I had a little chat with the boys in the car on the way there about appropriate topics for lunchtime conversation with grandparents as they had mainly been discussing how much it would hurt to be shot somewhere in the body when you didn't die immediately but just poured out lots of blood until you got weaker and weaker and then died slowly.  Lovely little chaps aren't they?  Zak just spent the entire lunch drawing bombs, blood and dying soldiers instead.  That's fine.  It's art innit.

So I intend on spending the next few days in one of the following three states (a) drunk (b) asleep (c) stuffing my face.  Possibly a combination of two of them at any one time is more likely.  Dog with two dicks.

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